I'm Never Robbing a Bank with You Again
by darkrunner
Summary: Bakura and Atem attempt to rob a bank. Rated T for language and suggestive dialoge. Oneshot darkshipping Bakura x Atem for a contest, with implied polarshipping Jounouchi and Mai.


A/N: Darkship for a contest, with polarshipping hints. (I made a promise to myself that I would include polar in every one of my fics for this contest since we won't be doing it this season.) I like to think that Bakura is pretty in character, but Atem is a little OOC.

Rated T for language, suggestive dialoge, and homosexuality. I have no idea how to write yaoi, so Atem is going to be openly gay. Or bi. He never actually says which one, just that he's not straight.

AU (alternate universe) where Atem and Bakura have their own bodies, and both of them are professional criminals.

Disclaimer: I do not own Yugioh. If I did, Jounouchi would have kissed Mai and admitted his love in episode 92.

"Weak, weak, WEAK!" Bakura shouted over the din of the gunfire. "Send someone strong to fight me!" A bullet grazed his long black coat. He laughed as he fired a couple more rounds.

"Is that the best you can do?!" He shouted at the oncoming fighters. "Come on!"

Click.

Bakura pulled the trigger a couple more times, but the chamber was empty. He glanced, wide-eyed at the mob of people trying to kill him, then quickly dove behind his car.

"I told you," Atem said, squatting on the ground behind the car. He had a semi-automatic gun in each hand. Peeking through the window of the car, he scolded Bakura as he hid next to him. "You can't just keep shooting. You're gonna run out of ammo. But did you listen to me?"

"Shut up," Bakura hissed, fumbling with his gun. "I'm still alive aren't I?"

Atem muttered something under his breath. Something that probably would have caused Bakura to hit him at the very least, were they not about to die.

Bakura was still reloading his handguns when Atem said, "Ready?"

"Does it look like I'm ready?"

"Don't snap at me, it's your fault we're here!"

"My fault? You're the one who drove the car through window and set the alarm off!"

"You're the one who couldn't get out with all the money!"

"Well if we had gotten here ON TIME..."

A bullet shot threw the window of the car, showering their heads with broken glass. They looked at the empty window, and then at each other.

"How about we continue this AFTER we get out of here?" Atem asked nervously.

Bakura nodded. "Agreed." Atem peered through one of the many bullet holes in the car while Bakura finished loading his guns.

"See anything?" Bakura asked.

"Yeah..." Atem said hesitantly, squinting through the small hole. "But... it's weird... they're not shooting at us any more, they're shooting... " He trailed off, and suddenly jumped up and started running awawy from the car as fast as he could.

"Hey!" Bakura shouted. "What are you doing?!" He glanced at the cops, who were now trying to hit the gas tank of his car.

"Shit!" the thief yelled, and started running after his partner in crime. Atem vaulted over the counter, just as the policemen finally found their mark. Bakura desperately threw himself forward, rolled over the top of the counter, and landed with a thud on the other side.

BOOM. The bank lit up orange and yellow. The explosion spanned almost the whole room, but the counter shieled the two theives from the blast.

"Ow," Bakura groaned. "Am I alive?"

"There goes the car," Atem said.

"I'll take that as a yes," Bakura muttered. "Now what do we do?"

Atem pulled a phone out of his pocket and started dialing. "Got it covered."

Bakura picked himself up and peeked over the top of the counter. "Can you run while you call? We've got company."

Atem glanced over his shoulder. The fire from the car was starting to die down, and the cops were pouring into the buidling.

"Damn! Do you know the way out?"

Bakura smirked. "They don't call me the 'thief king' for nothing." Without another word, he darted away from the counter towards a door. Atem pressed the call button and quickly followed him.

In an apartment three blocks away, a phone rang.

_"Hey, I'm not here right now, leave a message."_

BEEP. The answering machine started recordning.

"Jounouchi!" Atem's voice came through the speaker on the machine. "Pick up! I know you're there! Stop making out with your girlfriend and answer the ra-damned--"

"Atem!"

"...phone. Hey, Jounouchi. You really need to pick up that phone more often."

"What is it?" Jounouchi said, thoroughly annoyed.

"I need help. Now. "

"I'm busy," Jounouchi said automatically.

"How busy?"

"I've got company."

"Mai?"

"Yes," Jounouchi sighed. "Why else do you think I picked up the phone? You always leave the most embarassing messages..."

"...you wearing pants?"

"Atem!" Jounouchi shouted angrily.

"What?" Atem said innocently. "You said Mai was there!"

"We haven't-- we don't--" Jounouchi stammered.

"Sure, you don't," Atem said sarcastically.

Bakura glanced at his talkative partner. "For the love of ra!" He shouted. "Hurry up!"

"Right. Jounouchi, we need a car."

"Now?"

"No, after the police catch and/or kill us. Yes, now!"

"All right, what do you want me to do?"

"We're real close to your place right now. Just go out, park it, and leave it unlocked."

"You're going to steal my car?!"

"Would you rather pay our fifty thousand dollar bail? You get the insurance money, anyway!"

"How about I just let you guys go to jail?"

"You want money or not?"

"Fine. As it happens, I parked by the bank today and walked. They were doing some roadwork by my place and that's the closest I could get. Just break the window in."

"And to start it?"

Bakura scoffed. "I could hotwire a car in my sleep."

"That's my Bakura!" Atem said happily.

"...you have no idea how weird that sounded," Jounouchi said.

Atem laughed. "That's 'cause you're straight."

"Okay, stop being so open about it. It's creepy."

"You jerk. You're so insensitive," Atem accused.

"I'm hanging up now!" Jounouchi yelled.

"Bye," Atem replied cheerily.

Bakura groaned. "I am never robbing a bank with you again." He stopped running suddenly. Atem skidded to a halt and bumped into him.

"Watch it!" Bakura hissed. "Here's the exit. I'll go out first, and you follow _quietly_." He looked at Atem, who nodded.

Slowly, Bakura opened the door. Moonlight flooded the unlit room. The thief king glanced out into the alleyway, and seeing no one there, started to creep out. He stepped down from the doorway and out of the bank. Atem, keeping his eyes on Bakura and trying to be quiet, never saw the step. He tripped, and fell heavily on top of his partner. They both tumbled to the ground with a loud thud.

"Get off of me!" Bakura whispered angrily. He tried to push Atem off.

"Oops," Atem said sheepishly. He quickly got up, trying not to laugh.

Bakura glared at him. "It's not funny!" Atem laughed silently. "Stop it!" Bakura growled.

"Okay," Atem laughed. "Okay. I'm good. Let's go."

They ran down the alley, and mananged to make it to the car unnoticed. Bakura kicked in a window, and unlocked the doors. They climbed in, and the thief king started fiddling with the wires. "Never robbing a bank with you again..." Bakura muttered as the car started. He slammed on the gas, and they sped away. "Never, never..."

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A/N: Read and review. (For the record, Jounouchi and Mai really haven't and don't. Until they're married.)


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